Banks of the Boneyard

The Journal for the
Association for Computing Machinery
at the University of Illinois in Urbana-Champaign

Volume 21, Issue 2
Thursday September 26th, 2002

ACM Picnic A "Fruitful" Experience
By Chris Mullen


     The overall response was positive to the ACM Fall Picnic, held last Sunday at Illini Grove.  "It was much more fun than I expected," boasted ACM member Mary Pacold.  Activities included Frisbee, chess, eating, and, mischievously fiddling with the grill.  "The burgers were a bit sketchy, but the hot dogs were good," commented SIGOps Chairman Dave Goodell.  This is the first time ACM has held a picnic at the Illini Grove, but future events at this venue look promising.  Most attendees approved of the new location, and there were few complaints.  The picnic, however, did not run without incident. 

     The ACM Chairman was pronounced in "sore, but stable condition" Sunday night after sustaining multiple injuries during the social outing.  Apparently, sometime in the late afternoon, a hostile dispute erupted between the chairman and fellow members.  While the cause of the confrontation is still unknown, eyewitnesses report that after several minutes, an enraged member launched an unripe pear at the Chairman, striking him squarely in the back of the head.  Dazed, but still conscious, the Chairman limped away from the gathering and the argument subsided.  Several minutes later,  the Chairman returned to the scene of the attack and attempted to hog all of the Piroulineâ chocolate desserts in retaliation.  Livid, ACM members bombarded the Chairman with strawberries, chocolate cinnamon sticks, M&Ms and any other food items within their reach.  The Chairman was hit repeatedly, sustaining injuries to his eye, chest, neck, and back before finally releasing the desserts and collapsing under the hail of provisions.  Several bystanders dragged the chairman to safety, and he later drove to his private residence where he was treated for minor bruises and head trauma.  Authorities are investigating the matter, but thus far no arrests have been made.  The Chairman declined to comment on the incident.

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The Banks of the Boneyard is a student publication of the UIUC Chapter of ACM, and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois, the Department of Computer Science, or the International ACM.  Partially paid for by SORF and the Department of Computer Science.

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Christopher Clausen
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