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SIGNet meets, discusses networking
By Dan Sledz
Signet had its first successful meeting of year. A whopping 4 members attended, which is a new record. When asked about the great turnout, SIGNet Chair Dennis Tighe said, "The secret to a great turnout is emailing a meeting reminder 2 days before the meeting and offering Punch and Pie." Punch and Pie was not delivered, causing this member to suggest moving the meeting to its normal place, Za's. The goals of the meeting were two fold. We discussed the great success of our EOH project and brainstormed for next years project. We'll settled on Fast Unilateral Connection Killer. The basic algorithm we plan to implement is akin to the Slashdot Effect. We plan to expanding on this basic algorithm to include several rooms of spider monkeys to harvest vulnerable connections. When said how we would finance such a project, Dennis replied "We'll start with two monkeys and breed them in the basement until there are thousands." The building service department has given the go ahead to use the new CITES node in the basement of Siebel Center.
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ACM Banks editor to be replaced by "Chuckles" the monkey
By Andrew Lusk
Today the ACM Banks of the Boneyard editor Andrew Lusk announced that his successor will be a red-capped mangabey monkey named "Chuckles." Asked for comment, Don Schmidt said: "I figure he won't have too much of a problem with it. Chuckles has a sunny attitude and can put up with lies and deception remarkably well. Plus, his lack of good opposable thumbs means he can't operate the deadly weaponry that is the constant temptation of banks editors."
"The best part," said Amy Heinen, recent non-contributor to the Banks newsletter, "is that we can just give him a banana instead of a banks article and he is just as happy." The current banks editor has a reputation for whining and moaning whenever people don't submit articles, according to ACM exec Matt Cheney: "Also, he publishes lame fake quotes from people as some kind of crude punishment for not writing articles that are promised." Mr Cheney went on to say that if the new editor becomes as much of a problem, it can be killed and eaten.
The current banks editor was hard to get in touch with for this article, but most people feel that he is probably glad to be relieved of the job. A note on his door sent "word to Vilas' mother."
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